internal Family SYSTEMS
Managers, Firefighters, & Exiles, oh my!
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Internal Family Systems also known as, IFS is a non-pathologizing, evidence based model of psychotherapy. It’s a way of working with our many thoughts, emotions, and behaviors- what IFS calls “parts.” It posits that the human mind has a natural multiplicity and that these parts make up an internal family system.
IFS illustrates that even our most burdensome parts, the ones that are critical, anxious, or destructive are intending to help and protect us from feeling deeper wounds, or “exiles.” They are known as our protective parts and they took on extreme roles during the more challenging or traumatic experiences of our histories. Their methods of helping are… a little outdated. Perhaps your people pleasing part was invaluable in surviving your childhood but now is often in your way, undermining your wants and needs. Meanwhile, our wounded or exiled parts, have stories to tell and deeply ache to be known and heard.
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In addition to a kaleidoscope of parts, we all have a Self. Self- a curious, calm, and courageous presence, is the authentic core that when unblended from parts can be the compassionate leader of our inner systems. IFS offers the invitation to slow down to connect deeply to these protective and wounded parts from a place of Self. A primary goal of IFS is to assist you in accessing your Self energy so that you can help the parts of yourself that are difficult or hurting. Parts that may be polarized, burdened, or overwhelmed come to trust that Self is at the helm. It’s within this relationship between Self and parts that opens the door to the changes you wish to see in your life. In time, exiled parts that carry burdens of deep woundedness or shame are cared for by Self and protective parts leave their extreme roles and become more valuable versions of themselves. A “harsh inner critic” part becomes a cheerleader. An “anxious alarmist” part becomes a thoughtful guide.
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The practice of IFS is not limited to the confines of a counseling office. Living Self-led allows for authentic connection with your internal and external world, promoting deeper emotional well-being, improved relationships, and a restoration of ease and playfulness. Let’s get to know your parts!
Why is it called Sea & Self?
​​I grew up in the Santa Cruz Mountains, just down the road from the beach. Whether taking long cliff walks along waters' edge or sitting on the pier with sea gulls for company, I’ve always found peace and solace when near ocean. With that in mind, it struck me as funny when I learned more about how the IFS concept of "Self" has been described:
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Richard Schwartz, PhD, creator of IFS, describes being self-led like this, "I find it useful to differentiate between what people report while meditating -- while being reabsorbed into the ocean -- and what people are like when their Self is actively leading their everyday lives. If meditation allows immersion into a seemingly Self-less oceanic state, then the Self is a separate wave of that ocean."
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With Self being a separate wave of the ocean, it too hosts the depth and spaciousness of a meditative oceanic state. What is possible for us when we are unblended from our parts? When we encounter the tasks and relationships within our daily lives with an expansive oceanic wave of Self-energy, new ways of experiencing the world around us becomes possible. IFS describes Self-energy or being Self-led has having these qualities: calmness, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, creativity, courage, and connectedness. My role as your therapist is to help you access a sea of Self-energy so you can live life unblended and unburdened.
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The name Sea & Self encapsulates my love for the water as well as the appreciation I have for Internal Family Systems. I've observed and experienced IFS to be deeply beneficial for both myself and clients- I understood pretty quickly that it would be a fundamental approach in my work as a clinician.
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